Return to Normalcy: January 2014 Edition

Those looking for excessively cynical discussions of travel or over-thinking of video games and collectibles can ignore the following ramblings. The short version of the story is that posting will resume soon, after the recent not-so-short break. I'm not dead yet, as it were.

For the long version, we must return to the month of December, a time of joy, togetherness, giving spirit, chaos, disorder, worsening weather, and perpetual rushing. Since my wife and I moved to Florida, we have only found time to return to Indiana once a year. Preparing to leave for an entire week while also performing our normal duties is always a challenge. This year a succession of social and work related events were also spread throughout the December calendar.

For something completely different, a nursing baby manatee.

Life with Theme Park Mice: Stuck in the Middle with Lakeland, Florida

Orlando and Tampa dominate Central Florida. Tampa is a large, thriving city with some of the worst drivers and most intolerable highways in the state. Orlando is one of the most popular tourist destinations in the world, attracting more people to the city every day than the actual resident population. Some nearby locations, like Legoland in Winter Haven, draw a bit of the attention away, but most focus remains on those two cities.

Interstate 4 connects those two cities, with many smaller locales littered along its path. Almost directly in the center, with the road cutting through it, is Lakeland, Florida. Some people know about Lakeland, maybe because they know someone retired there, or have to live there because the rent is cheaper. There are even some Floridians that don't know much about the city. Stuck in the middle between two giants, it disappears into their shadows.

41 Pounds to Disneyland: It Could Have Been Worse

The continuing tales of one chunky Disney fan's personal quest to lose 80 pounds and visit Disneyland, in that order.  

See my first 80 Pounds to Disneyland post for all the details.

Previous Post: ? Pounds to Disneyland?: Changes

Next Post: 40 Pounds to Disneyland: The Vinylmation Trading Dash

This week is the first week that my wife and I have returned to decent eating habits and exercise. This is also one of the worst times of the year to return to healthy eating, as the annual Epcot Food and Wine Festival is ongoing. We've already indulged of it once, but I haven't completed my annual sampling of all the cheese platters available. I may have to starve myself for a week to compensate, but I will not be denied gourmet cheeses that would drive most people away with their scent alone.

Otherwise, getting back in to healthy eating isn't quite as intolerable as I feared. For one thing, it's been long enough that I no longer fear the site of Lean Cuisine boxes and have no more nightmares of salads consuming me. The reduced portions are proving problematic, but stomach shrinkage comes naturally over time. I have hope that this time I will make it to my goal.

? Pounds to Disneyland?: Changes

The continuing tales of one chunky Disney fan's personal quest to lose 80 pounds and visit Disneyland, in that order.  

See my first 80 Pounds to Disneyland post for all the details.

Previous Post: ? Pounds to Disneyland: The Hiatus

Next Post: 41 Pounds to Disneyland: It Could Have Been Worse

Last time I updated, the weight loss had gone on hiatus. This was a temporary delay while my wife recovered from her ankle injury. Soon, I would be headed back toward healthiness, working toward that grand goal of Disneyland.

Life had other plans, it seems. About the time my wife was able to walk normally again, I came down with a minor cough. This cough lingered for a week, then it proceeded to turn into a constant purge of lung-locked mucus. Fatigue and listlessness took over my body, and the days became a blur of barely conscious living. I finally gave into common sense and visited the doctor, who proudly announced like a game show host that I had a nasty case of bronchitis. A week of antibiotics, steroidal inhalers, and lots of rest later, I realized that another month had passed and my weight loss had started to reverse itself.

This isn't to say I'm giving up on my weight loss. Yesterday was the first day resuming my workout routine. I'm also back to eating healthier, something that's going to make life a little darker and less delicious for a while. However, I refuse to weigh myself until I've spent a couple weeks back in the routine. I know the first time weighing myself if going to be depressing, but I want the impact to be a little less severe. My natural reaction to bad news is to eat, after all.

Life with Theme Park Mice: The Plagues

Disney World draws people from all over the globe, every one of the 50 states, and quite possibly disguised extraterrestrial lifeforms. This mass of humanity brings together a wide array of languages and cultures to one place in a mostly harmonious fashion. All these people also happen to bring every virus and bacteria floating around their places of origin. It's like Epcot everywhere, except you're sampling the germs of the world rather than international boozes.

Some of the excessively optimistic tourists think they can avoid the plagues. They wash their hands constantly, carry hand sanitizer like a talisman against evil, and generally refuse to touch anything. Of course, eventually someone will cough in their vicinity, or they will have to reach for a railing to avoid falling.

Then, all those efforts are for nothing. Those people that are sick probably don't even realize it yet. Those that do realize probably don't care about infecting others. They handle every bit of the queues, touching props and jangling chains marking out the lines. They breathe the same air as you, standing much too close while shouting to people mere feet away. You will be exposed to the germs at some point, and eventually your immune system will break.

Life with Theme Park Mice: The 4th of July

The 4th of July proves every year that I understand logic, but choose not to use it. Leading up to the day, I inform others where not to visit with dire warnings of maddening crowds and gridlocked traffic. Logically, I know that the 4th will bring total chaos from summer vacationers, fireworks aficionados, and amateur patriots flooding the Disney parks. Yet, I still visit, and abandon logic as usual. Here is the sequence of events from this recent holiday.

3:00 pm- Check-In at Hotel: I don't abandon quite all logic. Not wanting to add traffic jams to the evening, my wife and I stay at one of the cheaper Disney resorts. We know that the buses will be packed at the end of the night, but that's still better than tripled travel time home. Plus, my wife's ankle is still requiring the use of a wheelchair, and delivery near the park entrance is a huge advantage.

4:00 pm- Swim: The other reason we stay at a Disney resort is the wide array of swimming pools. We both enjoy swimming, but my wife doesn't enjoy swimming in the ocean. Apparently, she has a great desire to not be drowned by giant waves. We decide to take advantage of the nearby pool before we have dinner.

4:30 pm- Gnat Explosion: Unfortunately, Florida currently has a major bug problem, and the pool nearest to our room has a faulty filtration problem. Combined, this results in a pool filled to the brim with dead gnats, which flow through and past us no matter where we swim. No square inch of the pool is safe from the drowned insects, and every dive brings the risk of inhaling a few of them. This is apparently not normal, as the pool is quickly closed for an emergency cleaning.

Life with Theme Park Mice: The Chair

I stand at the bottom of a paved hill, in the middle of Disney's doomed Pleasure Island, and begin to doubt my strength. Pleasure Island used to be filled with dance clubs and bars before they were all shuttered, and I wonder how any drunk person managed this incline without tumbling down it. My recently injured wife is in a wheelchair, and I must push her up this hill. There are other paths, but none this direct or quick.

Suddenly, I notice a wheelchair next to ours. There's a teenage girl, most likely also with a broken leg, sitting in it. She smiles at my wife, who smiles back to her. It seems like a pleasant enough scene, but I know the real truth. This is now a race, and I will reach the top of the hill first.

Hunching down, I begin to push with all of my strength. My wife isn't heavy, but this steep grade is punishing even without a wheelchair. The Florida humidity clings to my flesh as the sun sears my face. I almost begin to run, pushing and pushing while trying not to lose my grip.

? Pounds to Disneyland: The Hiatus

Not a wheelchair, but it is a giant wheel.

  The continuing tales of one chunky Disney fan's personal quest to lose 80 pounds and visit Disneyland, in that order.  

See my first 80 Pounds to Disneyland post for all the details.

 Previous Post: 39 Pounds to Disneyland: Halfway There

Next Post: ? Pounds to Disneyland?: Changes

In my last update, I had finally hit the halfway point to my goal. I celebrated. I was ecstatic. I thought nothing would get in the way of my goal.

Hubris, my friends, makes fools of us all.

First, life brought even more chaos, with my amazing wife Nicole receiving excessive hours at work, while I tried to juggle freelance work, my continuing job search, and keeping the house from filling with garbage and dirty dishes and catching on fire. Weight loss slowed to a crawl, but I still made half-hearted attempts to keep working towards my goal.

Unfortunately, fate decided Nicole needed to take a break from her exhausting schedule by breaking her ankle. She both shared my weight loss goal and the recent backslide into bad habits. Now, progress towards her goal is completely stalled until her ankle heals.

As a show of solidarity, I've decided to temporarily put my weight loss goal on hold until we can both progress together. I'm going to stay active and eat healthier, but I won't be actively weighing myself or planning our trip to Disneyland.

At the very least, I'll be getting some extra exercise. Pushing a wheelchair around amusement parks has given me the realization that I have way too little upper body strength.

Life with Theme Park Mice: A Halo of Bubbles

 

"I'm not here to have fun." This thought passes through my head as I pull into the parking space, far away from my destination. I feel a moment of relief, having made it through the madness of Interntional Drive traffic once again. It's a gauntlet of distracted vacationers walking into traffic, drivers from the middle of nowhere dealing with congestion for the first time, and buses making continual stops along the strip of tourist traps.

My relief vanishes when I remember what's next. I check for car keys multiple times, delaying the inevitable. Finally, slowly, I take a deep breath and climb out of the car into the humid Florida air. The heat makes my head reel for a moment, but what keeps it spinning is the sight before me. I gaze upon the massive outlet mall and its shopping masses, and I wonder how I'm going to get through to my destination.

As I make my way through the parking lot, my body instinctively changes stance, taking on the form of a football player ready to crash through his opposition. My glasses slide down my nose, but I let them hang just a few centimeters from falling. Seeing everything as a blur only helps me deal with navigating the crowds.

39 Pounds to Disneyland: Halfway There

The continuing tales of one chunky Disney fan's personal quest to lose 80 pounds and visit Disneyland, in that order.  

See my first 80 Pounds to Disneyland post for all the details.

Previous Post: 42 Pounds to Disneyland: The Wall
Next Post: ? Pounds to Disneyland: The Hiatus

Since the beginning of the year, I have already lost over 40 pounds of weight.  To put that in perspective, that's like a large sack of bird seed was constantly weighing down my body, and now it's been removed.  I feel lighter, look a little less bulbous, and fit into clothes that I kept claiming had shrunk in the dryer.

All these things excite me, of course.  However, what's really driving me now is the realization that I'm over halfway to getting to Disneyland.  Now I have less than 40 pounds to lose until I finally visit Walt's park, and it seems like an achievable goal.

All along I knew that I'd hit the wall, and my reward at the finish line was the inspiration that would get me through the malaise.  It worked like a charm.  Now I'm dedicated again to eating better and getting my daily exercise, because it's only a matter of time.  I will reach my goal, and I will have my trip, and I will try not to regain all the weight through vacation eating.

 

Of course, this means that I'm rekindling one of my old passions, trip planning.  Since I don't know exactly when I'll reach my goal, I can't book any hotels or flights, or buy tickets, or really do anything that's productive.  Ignoring logic, I'm still starting the process because it's fun.  I've already purchased some guidebooks and will read them front to back to front again.  It can only increase my anticipation, and thus I will drive myself harder to reach my goal.  I'm over halfway to Disneyland, even if I'm two thousand miles away.

42 Pounds to Disneyland: The Wall

The continuing tales of one chunky Disney fan's personal quest to lose 80 pounds and visit Disneyland, in that order.  

See my first 80 Pounds to Disneyland post for all the details.

Previous Post: 46 Pounds to Disneyland: The Disney World Crawl
Next Post: 39 Pounds to Disneyland: Halfway There

I am a little over 42 pounds away from my weight loss goal.  One week ago, I was a little over 42 pounds away.  I'm pretty sure tomorrow it'll be 43 or 44 pounds.  After 3 months of mostly consistent progress, my diet/lifestyle change/size reduction has finally hit the wall.  It's that horrible time when progress seems to stagnate, effort dries up, and my dear friends apathy and distraction come around to visit.

Generally speaking, I'm surprised it took this long.  My entire life I've been a stress eater, which is a horrible vicious cycle.  If your immediate reaction to being called fat and ugly is to eat something unhealthy, you feel doomed to follow a terrible cycle, and feeling doomed also makes you eat.  While I'd never say my life is bad, trying to help support the household through inconsistent freelance work while looking for a more stable job position is stressful.  In addition, working from home means any time I'm agitated, depressed, or just bored, there's a refrigerator and a full cupboard waiting for me downstairs.  For a while I resisted the alluring hum of the fridge, but I'm finding myself inexplicably staring inside it far too often lately.

46 Pounds to Disneyland: The Disney World Crawl

The continuing tales of one chunky Disney fan's personal quest to lose 80 pounds and visit Disneyland, in that order.  

See my first 80 Pounds to Disneyland post for all the details.

Previous Post: 55 Pounds to Disneyland: An Apology to the Manatees

Next Post: 42 Pounds to Disneyland: The Wall

One of the problems with working from home is that it's hard to stay active.  Trapped inside all day with little reason to leave the house, it's extremely easy to get into a pattern of sloth.  I've been using Wii Fit to get a daily dose of exercise, but even that grows tedious after a while.  There comes a day where you just have to leave the house before you go mad or sink into a listless, coma-like state. Those are the days where I do the Disney World crawl.

This is not visiting the parks in any kind of sane sense.  When I performed this ritual yesterday, I rode zero attractions, watched no shows, and barely stopped moving for more than a minute at a time.  While I usually do have some reason for these bouts of madness, such as taking photos to go with my writing, the greater purpose is to keep moving and keep up the heart rate.

55 Pounds to Disneyland: An Apology to the Manatees

The continuing tales of one chunky Disney fan's personal quest to lose 80 pounds and visit Disneyland, in that order.  

See my first 80 Pounds to Disneyland post for all the details.

Previous Post: 60 Pounds to Disneyland: 7 Reasons to Lose the Fat

Next Post: 46 Pounds to Disneyland: The Disney World Crawl

In general, I consider myself a relatively enlightened person.  I try not to judge others, consider all sides of issues equally, and above all not hold prejudices.  Thus, I find it horrifying that I have perpetuated a stereotype.  I have compared my excessive poundage to that of an innocent victim that deserves no such shame.  The truth of the matter is: I was wrong, manatees are not fat, even if I am.

The worst part of spreading this lie is that I knew manatees were just naturally large creatures, with very minimal body fat.  For some reason, I continued to claim they are filled with blubber, like me, and not the relatively healthy, if slow moving, creatures they are.  These are beautiful animals, though I still don't know how they were once mistaken for mermaids.  I guess when you're a dehydrated, cabin feverish, rum besotted, scurvy ridden, possibly one eyed pirate, anything looks attractive compared to a fellow pirate.

60 Pounds to Disneyland: 7 Reasons to Lose the Fat

The continuing tales of one chunky Disney fan's personal quest to lose 80 pounds and visit Disneyland, in that order.  

See my first 80 Pounds to Disneyland post for all the details.

Previous Post: 75 Pounds to Disneyland: Temptation Strikes

Next Post: 55 Pounds to Disneyland: An Apology to the Manatees

I've been fat most of my life.  I could use kinder language about myself and deny the harsh truth, but it has been decades since I could be considered a proper weight and years since the last time I wasn't obese.  With all that time spent being a porker, then, I can say that I've found lots of reasons, both petty and important, for shedding those miserable pounds.

1.  I'd Like to Not Die Young- I'll start with the obvious.  Of course, there's no way to be certain in life.  Tomorrow I could find myself struck by lighting while being attacked by a vicious dachshund while falling overboard on it's a small world.  Not sure how I get struck by lightning while inside a building, but that's not important.  My point is that life is unpredictable.  However, I can predict that 150 pounds of extra weight is only going to shorten that unpredictable life and increase the chance that the words "heart attack" or "diabetes" will be part of my obituary.

30X2 or How the Best Laid Plans Go Awry

When I moved down to Orlando, I managed to achieve a childhood dream.  I was away from Indiana, living less than an hour away from the Happiest Place on Earth (copyright Disney, do not use without permission unless you want people in large costumes to break your legs).  I could see myself visiting constantly, and developed great ambitions about finally writing about one of my favorite subjects.

Nicole and I found a wonderful group of Disney devotees who met at the parks every week.  I planned to write about every attraction the group was scheduled to visit, cataloguing the entirety of Epcot in the process.  An ambitious plan at best, but a complete failure once life intruded.

First, remaining projects with work absorbed more and more of my time and creative energy.  Then, Nicole gained a steady client at work, unfortunately one that was scheduled at exactly the time our newfound Disney group met every week.  Finally, the family business for which I continued to work finally called it quits after more than a decade, requiring me to throw together many last minute projects to get by without a regular income.

Although things are far from stable yet, I decided it was time to start writing again.  My childhood dream was to live next to Disney World, my adult dream is to write about it.  It's time to make that dream come true.

Of Mice and Sleepy Men

Picture from The Commons on Flickr

Thursday mornings are usually like any other work morning for me. I stumble downstairs, plop down in front of the computer, and spend at least a half an hour convincing myself that I am actually conscious. This morning started as usual, with the only major difference being an elevated level of grogginess from actually sleeping past 7:00 am for the first time in months. Then, the tortilla chip bag that had somehow fallen to the floor began to move. At this point there were two possibilities: either the chips were possessed by the spirit of the Frito Bandito, or I had a mouse in the bag.
Since Nicole and I live near a lake, in the country, surrounded by forest and fields, mice have become a daily reality in our lives. Unfortunately, neither of us have the killer instinct to take care of the problem. I have a weird guilt complex that makes me utterly unable to kill even the smallest living creature, and Nicole isn't exactly a fan of inflicting brutal death either. Thus, our daily routine includes cleaning up after a few furry creatures that apparently can't be litter trained, and continuing to find ways to thwart them in a non-violent fashion. So far, the score in this war has been approximately: Mice 3830, People 0.

The Unfortunate Tale of Ms. Gabriele Nichols

Photo by Arthur Tress, found on ContemporaryWorks.net

Apparently, I live a double life. To my friends, family, co-workers, and pretty much any person that actually knows me as a human being, I am Gabriele Nichols, an adult male in his middle 20s who could only be mistaken for a female if we’re talking about the bearded lady. To countless advertisers, credit card companies, and various producers of junk mail, I am Ms. Gabriele Nichols.

The tail of this confusion begins before my birth, when it was determined by my parents that I should have the name Gabriel. However, due to a desire to do something different, I received the spelling-of-indiscriminate origin Gabriele. Apparently, this spelling is French in origin, though it took my language expert English professor in college a full 5 minutes of thought before he could place the nationality. This man could give you the entire history of the word “beer” in 5 seconds flat, so my being able to stump him was quite a feat.

The Great Honeymoon Debate

Photo from The Commons on Flickr

While I’m definitely obsessed with selecting the music for Nicole and I’s wedding next year, what I’m really thrilled about is planning our honeymoon trip. Travel is one of my loves in life, and this is one of those few opportunities where you are expected to spend loads of money and disappear from the real world for a week or two.

At first, I was obsessed with one idea. We would go to Europe. A large part of the time would be in London, and then maybe Germany for a few days since Nicole knows some German. Oh, and of course Paris, because it’s the city of romance, and there’s Disneyland Paris of course. I’ve also always wanted to go to Italy.

Requiem for a Record Store

Photo from The Commons on Flickr

I have spent nearly every day since this past Tuesday trying to find a single CD. This is not uncommon, as I happen to live in a town where there are literally 3 sources for music, a Wal Mart, which has eliminated half its selection, a K-Mart, which has eliminated 9/10th of its selection, and a place called Karma, which probably only sells a bad selection of CDs to disguise the fact that it is filled with pot memorabilia. Add on the fact that most music I consume is completely unknown by anyone else in this city, and you’ve got yourself a typical problem.

The more frustrating part of this search, however, came from two factors. One, it was the new album by Grinderman, entitled Grinderman 2, which is Nick Cave’s side-project. Nick Cave also happens to be one of my favorite artists ever, and one of the few that would turn me into a screaming pyscho fan if I ever got within 10 miles of him. Second, my search wasn’t just of my hometown, but also of Indianapolis and Fort Wayne, Indiana, two of the biggest cities in the state. I finally found the disc today, but was almost to the point of vehicular homicide by the time I discovered a store that carried it.

The Absence of the Other Half

Nicole is not a spirit helping me solve mysteries, because she is, in fact, alive.

Photo from The Commons on Flickr.

Lately I’ve suffered not seeing my better half often enough. Due to Nicole’s work schedule and vastly different sleep schedule, I managed to see her a grand total of 10 hours, non-consecutive, including falling asleep, in the last 3 days. Yes, I did the math, because I’m that intensely bored without someone else in the apartment. If it wasn’t for Team Fortress 2 and random music, I’d be tugging my hair out at the roots, and the former is only possible when our intolerable internet works. As anyone can tell, however, she’s not only absent often in my life, but also on this blog.