Wednesday, February 13, 2013

60 Pounds to Disneyland: 7 Reasons to Lose the Fat

The continuing tales of one chunky Disney fan's personal quest to lose 80 pounds and visit Disneyland, in that order.  
See my first 80 Pounds to Disneyland post for all the details.

I've been fat most of my life.  I could use kinder language about myself and deny the harsh truth, but it has been decades since I could be considered a proper weight and years since the last time I wasn't obese.  With all that time spent being a porker, then, I can say that I've found lots of reasons, both petty and important, for shedding those miserable pounds.

1.  I'd Like to Not Die Young- I'll start with the obvious.  Of course, there's no way to be certain in life.  Tomorrow I could find myself struck by lighting while being attacked by a vicious dachshund while falling overboard on it's a small world.  Not sure how I get struck by lightning while inside a building, but that's not important.  My point is that life is unpredictable.  However, I can predict that 150 pounds of extra weight is only going to shorten that unpredictable life and increase the chance that the words "heart attack" or "diabetes" will be part of my obituary.

2. I Don't Want to Ride a Motorized Scooter at Age 40- When you live in Florida and visit lots of amusement parks, you tend to see lots of these not-so-speedy machines roaming through crowds.  Most of the time the operators are the disabled, elderly, or injured.  However, there also those who ride these devices simply because their body can no longer withstand the weight they carry.  I'd rather stave off the day when I need to ride everywhere I go at least until I'm old enough to get away with running over annoying people.
They may not be wearing shirts, but they are wearing their trunks (This joke brought to you by the  Jungle Cruise.  We're sorry).
3. I'd Like to Take My Shirt Off in Public- Being a reasonably enlightened fellow, I understand that I should not feel ashamed of my body, and should embrace however I look.  On the other hand, I'm also a considerate human being, and know that nobody wants to see what I look like without a shirt.  Giant rolls of bouncing fat sounds like an album title or a horrible dessert at a carnival, but does not sound like something you want to see at the beach.

4.  I'd Like a Sun Tan That Covers More than 50% of My Body- See Number 3

5.  I Want to Run Further Than the Mailbox- While daily exercise is helping my stamina, the load I'm carrying around still makes it difficult to run for any major length of time.  Disney hosts some awesome running events throughout the year, and I'd like to eventually participate, confidant that I'll actually finish.  Finishing before nightfall and the armadillos begin to roam is even more ideal.

This is what I look like right now when french fries are near.  It's not pretty.
6.  I'd Like to Splurge Every Once in a While Without Guilt- Right now, every time I even think of having french fries or a non-fruit dessert, I know that I'm just setting back my efforts to be more healthy.  I'm still going to eat better when I'm an ideal weight, but it'll be nice to eat something a little indulgent and not feel immensely guilty about it.

7.  I Want to Never Do the Walk of Shame- There are many variations of the "walk of shame" in life, but there is a very specific version for fat people in amusement parks.  Due to the restrictive nature of many ride restraints, especially roller coasters, people of a certain size can not fit safely and are not allowed to ride.  These people must then walk past all the spectators that just witnessed the desperate, failed attempts to squeeze into the seat.

While some places provide tester seats outside the attraction, these are often overtaken by children climbing over them like playground equipment.  Thus, most of the time your choice is either to skip the ride, or walk the entire line and pray that you'll fit and not have to feel intense shame.  I nearly had this experience at Universal Studios a few years ago, and I've been too insecure to ride most roller coasters ever since.  By the end of this year, I hope to be able to ride anything I want without the slightest hesitation.

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